Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued

The NIGHT after I found out I have obstetric cholestasis, I woke up and neither of the twins was moving.

This is perfectly normal throughout the day and night – the twins sleep and are perfectly still.

But.

When you find out that you have a condition that might kill your children AND you’re expected to PAY CLOSER ATTENTION or THEY COULD DIE, suddenly them not moving is … panic inducing.

So when I woke up and neither twin was moving, I lost my shit.

But.

PROS.alpha has been spending the night in bed with me a lot lately – since the move – and he was there that night.

So when I lost my shit, I took my sleeping three year old son’s hand.

And lay absolutely still.

Focusing only on my breath.

Big breath in.

Big breath out.

Until I fell back asleep.

The next day was a weekday, so he went to daycare and papa went to work and I was alone. With my thoughts. And the only trick I knew to make the twins move wasn’t working.

I spent the day flipping between depression and panic, debating whether or not to call the hospital. Wondering if I should have called the night before as soon as they weren’t moving. Wondering if it was already too late.

At five, I called.

Unlike the day before, they spoke perfect english and immediately asked me to come in, “I’d rather you come in a thousand times to confirm everything’s fine, then not once and something happens.”

And the twins were fine.

The twins ARE fine.

And I’m doing better.

Mostly because at that second visit to the hospital, I picked the hell out of that doctor’s brain, got tons more tricks for getting the twins to move, and multiple reassurances that, yes, I really can come into the hospital AS MUCH AS I NEED to double and triple check on the twins.

But.

Today was a follow up appointment.

And after five days of taking ursochol, blood work shows that bile levels are higher. Therefore, the dose is increased. And a second follow up lab appointment is scheduled for Monday.

Big breath in.

Big breath out.

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  • Marieke Van Vugt

    you can do it!