Adventures in Pregnancy: The Ears of Corn

Symptoms: Dizziness, low energy, whack focus, holy good god PAINFUL hips, underlying constant angry attitude and nausea.

Yuppers, totally still puking.

Makes you wanna run out and get pregnant now now NOW. #AMIRITE

We’re buying a house. (And selling a house, wanna move to Groningen?) And having twins and thus we’re getting officially official life insurance. Except in the Netherlands, they call a Spade a Spade and it’s actually called….

DEATH Insurance.

Doesn’t that put a seriousness on it?

Doesn’t it JUST.

So you apply for DEATH insurance and they send you a questionnaire that P delightedly filled out in two point seven seconds and encouraged me to do the same except, unlike P, I have that little existing pre-condition known as PTSD and depression and it took many minutes to fill out the same questionnaire and SHOCKINGLY there were follow up questions.

There are certain Interesting Experiences that have happened since we moved to the Netherlands that can one hundred percent be attributed to Translation Issues and while I would like to blame the following TWO WEEK awesomeness on that, I can’t entirely.

Omdat ik KAN niet zo slecht Nederlands spreken. [1]

And also, there’s google translate.

But.

I received this email with two permission forms – one for the general practitioner and one for the ‘specialist’ so that the insurance company can send follow up questions to them and it’s all in Dutch, of course, and I read everything and pregnant / traumatized brain interprets the email as, “Ah, I need to get the GP and the psychologist to fill these out.” And since I know that my GP is on vacation and that all this is related to Not Good Times, my brain falls out of my ear and runs screaming down the street.

Also, we’ve already packed the printer to stage the house for selling it which means JUST TO PRINT THE FORMS, I have to go to a copy center. Damnit.

So it takes me days (a week) to get up the strength to go to the copy center (also, the GP is on vacation until this week) and then I walk to the GP (cause I can’t cycle anymore – it hurts my hips to STOP) and the receptionist is very confused, but helpful ish, cause she doesn’t speak very good English and I don’t speak enough Dutch. And then I walk over to PsyQ where my specialist is except she’s ALSO on vacation cause EVERYONE takes their vacations in August / September except us because we’re having twins and buying and selling a house cause REASONS.

Ahem.

And at PsyQ they are equally confused except there I give them my phone number and while I’m walking back home, they call me and ask aren’t *I* supposed to sign these, not the specialist?

Ehrm.

Maybe?

So then I call the insurance company and find out that I could’ve gotten this all done a while ago, yes, it was asking for MY permission and MY signature and the only snag would’ve been that I still needed to go to the copy place to get the forms printed which I need to do AGAIN since I’m NOT walking back to the GP and PsyQ for those damned forms cause my HIPS ARE KILLING ME.

And if this isn’t a perfect example of how chaotic this pregnancy has been, I don’t know what is.

[1] Because I can speak not so bad Dutch.

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