And Then I Got Sick

In my very last post, A Vacation From My Vacation, I was going to do All The Things ™ and whatnot, but then I got #ForRealsies Really Real Sick.

Sometimes “tomorrow” unexpectedly punches you in the throat meat.

Here’s what I did instead of all the things.

  1. Called the therapist.
  2. Talked to the therapist.
  3. Worked out a path to wellness with the therapist.
  4. Followed the path to wellness.
  5. TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, but seriously, this is what actually happened after step three.

Photo by twinsfisch on Unsplash

Too much.

Too much happened.

Let me step back.

First of all, what happened specifically, is that I got really hot and sweaty and my heart raced and I couldn’t sleep at all with insomnia and when I did close my eyes, there was nightmares and rumination. I thought it was an extreme depressive episode. Hence the path forward I outlined above.

…but.

It wasn’t.

Turns out there was something physically wrong as well that I had been mostly ignoring because the symptoms were fairly light and infrequent, but when you added a stress factor to the physical PLUS being depressed, it… well… wasn’t good.

So initially I treated it like depression, but the physical things kept happening and I’m very pleased to confirm that when I realized there were odd things happening, the Dutch healthcare system snapped into action and ordered a few blood tests.

Whenever a Dutch doctor asks for blood tests, you know Shit Is Real.

The results came back and (drum roll please) I HAVE PERIMENOPAUSE!

…yay.

This can often be No Big Deal, but when you add stress and depression, it’s a fucking nightmare.

Plus, apparently, the same hormones that made both pregnancies particularly difficult make perimenopause particularly difficult as well.

…fucking hell.

The silver lining is that as soon as I had a diagnosis, I felt a million times better.

I was no longer having this weird panic attack / severe depression / unknown thing – I had a clear physical issue (with mental complications) and a clear path forward. And the especially awesome thing is that a doctor was able to see me the same day, give me a prescription, and I started taking it that night.

Hormone replacement therapy is a beautiful thing, people.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Today I’m absolutely over the moon to confirm I’m doing a million times better, although not back to full time at work as the hormones stabilize.

…but.

I have hope that I’ll be there soon and I absolutely cannot wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Minus punches to the throat meat.