In my very last post, A Vacation From My Vacation, I was going to do All The Things ™ and whatnot, but then I got #ForRealsies Really Real Sick.
Sometimes “tomorrow” unexpectedly punches you in the throat meat.
Here’s what I did instead of all the things.
- Called the therapist.
- Talked to the therapist.
- Worked out a path to wellness with the therapist.
- Followed the path to wellness.
- TRA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Okay, but seriously, this is what actually happened after step three.
Too much happened.
Let me step back.
First of all, what happened specifically, is that I got really hot and sweaty and my heart raced and I couldn’t sleep at all with insomnia and when I did close my eyes, there was nightmares and rumination. I thought it was an extreme depressive episode. Hence the path forward I outlined above.
Turns out there was something physically wrong as well that I had been mostly ignoring because the symptoms were fairly light and infrequent, but when you added a stress factor to the physical PLUS being depressed, it… well… wasn’t good.
So initially I treated it like depression, but the physical things kept happening and I’m very pleased to confirm that when I realized there were odd things happening, the Dutch healthcare system snapped into action and ordered a few blood tests.
Whenever a Dutch doctor asks for blood tests, you know Shit Is Real.
The results came back and (drum roll please) I HAVE PERIMENOPAUSE!
This can often be No Big Deal, but when you add stress and depression, it’s a fucking nightmare.
Plus, apparently, the same hormones that made both pregnancies particularly difficult make perimenopause particularly difficult as well.
The silver lining is that as soon as I had a diagnosis, I felt a million times better.
I was no longer having this weird panic attack / severe depression / unknown thing – I had a clear physical issue (with mental complications) and a clear path forward. And the especially awesome thing is that a doctor was able to see me the same day, give me a prescription, and I started taking it that night.
Hormone replacement therapy is a beautiful thing, people.
Today I’m absolutely over the moon to confirm I’m doing a million times better, although not back to full time at work as the hormones stabilize.
I have hope that I’ll be there soon and I absolutely cannot wait to see what happens tomorrow.
Minus punches to the throat meat.