Apparently REDACTED Is My New Favorite Word

photo-1432838765905-6881a8585474Today was a continuation of therapy to address PTSD which, last week (and normally) is incredibly debilitating, but…

this morning was actually really productive.

we defined the ‘problem’ better.

i had a nightmare (actually i have nightmares every night) one night this past weekend that woke me up (also every night, so nothing new) but as i woke up, it hit me that the issue i really want to tackle is that ‘blind spot’ i mentioned earlier and we drilled down into THAT.

it’s like a mask i put on for social interactions, with friends, family, colleagues AND strangers, to ‘deal’

to deal with awkwardness
to deal with strangers
to deal with being an introvert in an extrovert situation

if that makes sense.

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and we defined the goal as figuring out why / what that is and modifying it so it’s not so blinding; less like a mask with blinders and more like different jackets i slip on as the social situation needs

but also i’m having severe nightmares several times every night – severe enough to wake me up. every night. it’s awesome. so we’re going to use Imagery Rescripting Therapy which is apparently really good about addressing nightmares in particular to address the sleep issue.

you write down the nightmare and then you rewrite it and focus in on the new image several times throughout the day, telling your brain what you’d rather be thinking about, if that makes sense.

so the goal is to figure out the mask, make coats, and get a good night’s sleep.

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there was a scene in suicide squad right after [REDACTED SPOILERS], when harley was [MORE REDACTED SPOILERS].

and then [EVEN MORE REDACTED SPOILERS] she melted into this happy / manic face to [ALL THE REDACTED SPOILERS REMOVED, DAMNIT]

and i thought, fuck, that’s me sometimes.

even when i’m in a Really Bad Place ™, i’ll cover it all up to plaster on the smile and greet strangers, “Hi, how are you?!?”

And despite her kicking a whole lot of ass in Suicide Squad, I AM SO NOT ADDING MS QUINN TO THE LIST

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