Are You Pregnant?

[Dutch Lock Down Day One Hundred Eighty Seven]

. . .

. .

.

*cough*

But first the news:

No?

Okay, no, but seriously, no.

I think.

I’m pretty sure.

Cause that’s not possible.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

This morning I OH SO TOTALLY slept in until TEN!

Because, I thought, P was going to take the kids to an outing which meant if I went downstairs before they left, it’d be harder to leave.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

#UpAtFiveWHAT

He… didn’t… go… so at a certain point I dragged my happy butt downstairs to start the day.

I will also admit that he sent the twins up to ensure said dragging of butt downstairs to start the day.

He had boiled eggs, which is our usual second breakfast on the weekends, so I at one.

And here’s where it gets fun.

First Minion sees that Third Minion is wearing a shirt that he knows he has a match and says he wants to wear it, too. So I get up, cause I know it’s in the laundry, possibly already washed, possibly already folded and sitting on the dryer, so I walk in there.

And pick up the shirt.

And I don’t feel right.

So I stop moving.

And J is there and she sees me, “Are you okay?”

“No. I think I’m going to throw up.”

And then I gag.

And run to the bathroom.

And throw up the egg.

And that’s it. I stand up, flush. Go back to the kitchen. Drink some water.

Feeling fine.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

That’s the kind of puke that I used to have ALL THE TIME when I was pregnant. Both times. Puking was like breathing – and happened almost as often.

P asked me if I was pregnant. J asked if I was pregnant.

*I* asked if I was pregnant.

But, see, if the twins were a miracle (which they were) this pregnancy would be an act of the Universe. Because I’m solidly in Peri-Menopause. And my partner is Snipped.

Like, SO not possible.

Also, P and the kids all ate eggs from the same cart. And I’ve eaten since then – cautiously consuming bits of bread, then recklessly drinking a full protein shake and two cups of tea cause #STARVING

And I’m fine.

What. The. ACTUAL. Fuck.

So that’s where we are on this lovely Sunday afternoon. I meditated shortly after the Pukening and realized that I’d be fine if I were pregnant and also fine if I were not pregnant. And also I’d be oh so totally fine if I never randomly puked again ever.

So how’s your Sunday going?