Happy Mother’s Day, Y’all

The other day a pregnant friend of mine ping’d me to ask,

“So, any advice for a soon to be new mom?”



It took me a few days to process this question and I swear I didn’t mean to post it on Dutch / American Mother’s Day, but here we are and what a lovely post it turned out to be… except there needs to be more curse words in here.

Fuck. Let’s get this shit going, shall we?

Continue reading “Happy Mother’s Day, Y’all”

It’s Called Hope. I Haz It.

I haven’t been posting on groningenrain.nl but I HAVE BEEN trying to write every day. I read about ‘morning pages’ once long ago and incorporated it into my daily practice. And then I stopped. And then I started up again. And then I stopped. It’s definitely been off again on again for years.

But since the twins birth, I’ve been on more than off.

Yay, baby steps!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Repeat, as needed.

Another habit that I want to reincorporate (besides posting here!) is strength training and exercise. Specifically with body weight and then free weights. It’s been ten forevers. The excuse is that my personal trainer moved back to Israel.

The reality is that I’m sometimes a lazy punk.

And then I was pregnant.

And, then, well, motherhood.

Continue reading “It’s Called Hope. I Haz It.”

Women Tech Leaders on the Gender Gap and How to Fix It

As I watched this video, I was inspired. There are so many statements that resonate with my own thinking / situation / environment as well as past experiences.

“I never noticed it…”

“For a long time I really did not want to participate in the women in technology conversation.”

“Oh, word, I should be scared?”

Videos like this inspire me to keep fighting, to keep pushing, to keep calling myself feminist.

#YESSS #MeToo #TimesUp


Continue reading “Women Tech Leaders on the Gender Gap and How to Fix It”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Obvious Conclusion

This story. This event. This thing.


It was big.


It was fucking awesome cause that’s when the twins arrived and they kicked much ass and it’s taken me all this time, I thought, because the story was really hard. But, why? Why was it really hard to tell? Because I kept waiting for it to have a happy ending. But that’s now how life works, is it? There isn’t really an ending until the end. And this blog isn’t about happiness, either. It’s about life.

And I know that.


This story was still really hard to tell.

So then I thought maybe it’s because it was so traumatic.

Cause there were some parts, some moments that were really fucking traumatic.

Flash back level, nightmare inducing, horror story traumatic.

Let me get to the punchline, though – the twins are healthy.


They’ve always been super healthy.

During every scare, they come through super healthy. I still utter the mantra often, “Please be healthy. Please be fine.”

But their delivery.

Holy hell.

Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Obvious Conclusion”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued

The NIGHT after I found out I have obstetric cholestasis, I woke up and neither of the twins was moving.

This is perfectly normal throughout the day and night – the twins sleep and are perfectly still.


When you find out that you have a condition that might kill your children AND you’re expected to PAY CLOSER ATTENTION or THEY COULD DIE, suddenly them not moving is … panic inducing.

So when I woke up and neither twin was moving, I lost my shit.


PROS.alpha has been spending the night in bed with me a lot lately – since the move – and he was there that night.

So when I lost my shit, I took my sleeping three year old son’s hand.

And lay absolutely still.

Focusing only on my breath.

Big breath in.

Big breath out.

Until I fell back asleep.

Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Pineapples

Symptoms: nausea, massiveness, achey joints, painful hips, squished bladder and indigestion.

Still totally puking.


The twins are still consistently healthy.

Both of them.

The boy is pulling ahead in his growth curve while the girl is staying solidly on hers.

This is “normal” says the doctor as boys are typically larger than girls.

Here’s the fun statement of the day – the twins are EACH the SAME SIZE as if they were in a womb BY THEMSELVES.

Let’s take a moment to digest this:


Is the same size as IF they were in their own womb.

For their gender.


Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Pineapples”