Dutch Lock Down Day Seventy Two

[Is This Normal Yet?]

Photo by Karla Hernandez on Unsplash

Are you starting to normalize?

I am.

Sorta.

But first the news:

There are all kinds of signs that my brain is starting to chill the fuck out but also all kinds of signs that there’s a long way to go.

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

There are very rare nightmares and when they visit, they’re kind of chill. Obvious sources and meanings. Obvious resolutions. There are NONE suicidal thoughts. I’m maintaining most of the sleep schedule. Not taking as many naps during the day. Remembering to eat. Replying to email.

But.

Also.

I’m still scratching my head until it bleeds. And biting my tongue until it bleeds. And skipping exercise quite often. And flaking out on cooking dinner every once in a while.

I keep repeating the same thing over and over and maybe it’ll sink a little bit further into this thick skull, “It’s okay to not be okay.”

It’s okay.

It’ll BE okay.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I meet with my personal trainer for the first time in ten forevers. On Thursday morning. I absolutely can’t wait.

And because of the disaster of the hair salon appointment from last week, I ran the situation past my partner before confirming the training appointment.

  • Meeting outside at a rarely used park near a lake in the morning.
  • There is parking nearby so I can easily drive my own vehicle.
  • Ifat will clean all surfaces with alcohol spray.
  • I’m to bring my own yoga matt, small towel, and water bottle.
  • There is enough equipment such that she will have her own to demonstrate and I will have my own to execute and nothing will be used by both of us.
  • We will maintain the 1.5 metres.
  • NO HUGGING, RAIN.

P says it sounds great.

Of course, I think it sounds great.

As long as I can remember to maintain that 1.5 metres.

Distance is hard, yo.

Are you doing alright with it, Warriors?

I guess I am.

Sorta.