Dutch Lock Down Day Twenty Two

Photo by Steve Clark

Right after I published yesterday’s post, a friend (hi, S!) called to check in cause she was worried.

I’m okay.

I was just SUPER tired.

Also, some weird things happened that haven’t happened in a while.

But first the news:

Around five, my blood sugar DROPPED.

I was outside at the time, playing with the kids, and it dropped so hard and so fast that I had to sit down or fall over.

I sat.

I ate a snickers. Drank a full sugar soda. A cup of black tea with milk.

I sat some more.

After a few minutes of rest, I helped P take the twins upstairs for bed.

And almost fell over again.

I would’ve gone straight to bed, but I wanted to publish something. Hence the super short post from yesterday.

Photo by Liane Metzler on Unsplash

I’m feeling a million times better today.

I mean, besides the whole pandemic thing, the Leander family has stressors that we’re resolving.

ASIDE: Literally while writing this post, P’s stress was resolved. #AWESOMENESS #TotallyJealous

Okay, but now it’s just me.

I’ve got stressors besides the pandemic and work from home with kids and partner and no cafe or gym or parks or events or travel or drinking.

ANOTHER ASIDE: Can you believe I’m still sober? And HOO BOY it’s so tempting to drink a glass of wine with dinner just to cut the edge, eh? But still sober. Yay, me.

But one of the biggest stresses of #RightNow is that today was the original “deadline”. The original day when the lock down was announced.

Everything is closed until 06 April.

And, sure, we were told a week ago that everything would actually be closed until 28 April, and, yes, no one actually believes THAT deadline either, but it’s still … sad? Disappointing? Upsetting?

Depressing.

Yes, I realize how good I have it – a roof over my head and a salaried job and a safe environment and a MASSIVE garden (by Dutch standards) and a NANNY.

But.

It’s all a LOT.

I never realized HOW MUCH I love to travel. And how much I love working from the cafe. And how much I LOVE THE GYM?!?

And how much I miss hugs.

Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash

What the what?

I always considered hugs that thing that I’m expected to do because I read as female and women are expected to hug.

THIRD ASIDE: I’m non-binary. Feminine sometimes. Masculine sometimes. Always non-binary. Gender is a construct.

But now I just want to hug!

And there’s another side to it. Maybe. Is that maybe the reason I want to hug so badly? Is because WE’RE NOT ALLOWED.

I have often been the type who finds motivation when I’m #NotAllowed

Just ask the fertility specialist who said I couldn’t have kids.

Or the dance instructor that said I couldn’t dance professionally.

Or the boss that said I wasn’t technical enough.

So, sure, maybe I just want to hug because I’m not allowed right now but, Warriors, if you could send virtual hugs my way, I’d appreciate it very much.

xo