last night was actually kind of kickass awesome, if you compare it to the rest of the week.
i managed that run / walk / jog / pokemon go thing. of course, right after i hit the streets, there was a cat call. and it sucked. and it took a few minutes to get around. but i focused on the game. and accepting those feelings and then LITERALLY moving forward. and managed a little exercise thing. after i got back there was a bit of a cool down. not much because it wasn’t much of a run, but a little chillax time. and then off to the ‘normal’ night routine that includes brushing / flossing / taking care of the skin / yin yoga and wonderful blissful sleep.
except it wasn’t wonderful nor blissful.
sometimes i totally get the idea of not letting pets sleep with you in bed because they’re little monsters who will suffocate you or play or claw you as you drowse, but last night it was like zoe KNEW. i had lots of awesome nightmares full of trauma and triggering things but also family fears and work stress and throughout the night the little bugger slept between our heads. sweetly. and cuddled mostly against me. maybe the partner will tell you a different story – that her paws were pushed up against his nose all night – but for me it was truly precious whenever i woke up.
which was a lot.
then today a friend reached out to ask if i was okay because my blog seems a bit depressing lately.
so not okay.
but better than i was.
and i will be okay.
right now the blog is a bit depressing lately because i’m a bit depressed, but i can see positive things in the future. maybe not tomorrow. maybe not next week. but it’s there.
i write this stuff because i hope that, if you’re going something similar, that you have hope.
that, by seeing me Work Through Things ™ that you’ll Work Through Things, Too ™.
and i write because i want mental issues to be less of a hidden stigma that we individually suffer in silence and more of a community that comes together to support one another. because we all know someone going through something like this. but they might not talk to you because they’ve never talked to anyone. or because of any number of other reasons. my hope is that they’ll speak up now. maybe to me. maybe to you. maybe to someone else. and i hope the listener is positively responsive. and knowledgeable. and if they don’t know what to do, maybe they’ll google. maybe find this site. maybe learn enough to make a difference.
that got heavy, just like most of the posts this week. i started out this article with the hope to have a positive spin and be a little bit lighter, but it seems that i’m not in that place yet. and that’s okay. i do feel better than i did yesterday at this time, though.
and sometimes that’s enough.