And then I stood in the bathroom, stuck. For thirty minutes. With the shower running.
I sent my partner a text, “What is wrong with me.”
I thought going to the doctor would make me better.
But I feel worse.
I started thinking dangerous thoughts, dark thoughts, things like, “My partner deserves better. My son deserves better.”
These are the kinds of thoughts that precedes suicidal thoughts.
And ideation precedes intention.
Without howling or losing control. Soft crying.
It was good.
And then I took a shower and got dressed and went to work and tackled some missing receipts.
I’m not out of the dark, but the next day was better.