I’m Oke. Tired But Oke.

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Nineteen]

I’m stable, but lashing out.

Not ideal, but getting there.

I’m oke.

But first the news:

It feels good to report a solid step forward.

P and I rearranged the house slightly in anticipation of next week’s top floor renovation – it involved moving four pieces of furniture from the top floor down two flights of stairs to the bottom floor.

I was a MASSIVE bitch.

Just lashing out and sarcastic and controlling and growling and awful.

But then I finally became aware of said awfulness and took a minute to breathe and I didn’t transform to a delicate sweet thing – that’s not my norm anyway – but I calmed WAY the fuck down.

And tonight’s stream?

We got out!

But also it was mostly chill and while I definitely felt the rage bubble up a few times, I was more aware of said bubbling and, well, remembered to breathe.

And while the temper’s not GONE, it’s GOING which is awesomeness and before all the blackness was just settled into my bones, so I’ll totally mark this as progress.

I hope you’re doing well, Warriors.

I’m getting there.