[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Forty Three]
How do you conquer it? Or embrace it? Or…?
There are several books that talk about it, but one full on talks about it as a massive dragon and you are the knight and it’s time to do battle, and that’s Do The Work by Steven Pressfield and as much as this book kicks ass and I do love me some dragon analogies, I’m still having trouble applying the tenants as concrete actions.
But first the news:
- Reopen cafe terraces, MPs and Amsterdam’s mayor urge ministers
- Nearly 50K more Covid vaccines administered; Infection average rises again
- Quarter of the population downloaded CoronaMelder
While resistance seems to manifest for different people in different ways, for me it’s a joy foreboding / success sabotage thing.
If I’m doing well / am happy / am successful / haven’t had problems for a bit / relax, my brain says something along the lines of, “Ah, this won’t last” which is, yes, partially true – all good things come to an end. As do bad things. Everything is temporary. But there’s a part of me that won’t simply embrace the happiness.
Similarly, or maybe because of this, I seem to consciously or unconsciously sabotage those periods of time. My perspective or priorities will shift such that unimportant things or details will become the END OF THE WORLD and because I’ve been content, I won’t be doing self care as consistently or at all, and I’ll get sick.
This is what I’ve been working on, off and on, for the past few months.
Mostly passively, but now that I’m in a content / happy / expanding place, I’m actively facing it head on – how do I embrace happiness and success?
How do I expand into the universe instead of wait for the next disaster to strike?
I don’t know.
I don’t have an answer.
But I have some theories. Some approaches. Some things to try.
Read Cheri Huber’s I Don’t Want To, I Don’t Feel Like It
I’ve read another of her books, “There’s Nothing Wrong With You” which was full of [almost too much] information and concrete steps to stop that self hate / judge voice in your head so I’ve got quite a bit of faith in this book.
From the back of the book, “And why is this different from everything else you have tried? Because this approach to working with resistance is based in Zen Awareness Practice, not self-improvement.”
It’s super awesome that I happen to BE in this happy / content / successful place right now, but I’m not always in this space and I’m going to do a series of thought exercises to figure out what it is about this space that makes me uncomfortable.
What am I afraid of? What happens when I succeed?
What bad things happen when happiness remains?
I can tell this has been percolating in the back of my brain for a few months because yesterday my fingers immediately answered, “One hit wonder. Higher expectations. Bigger fights. Hungrier trolls.”
Compassionate Exposure Therapy
I know what I’m afraid of, but why? No, really, why? But, WHY?
And this requires returning to that imaginative approach when the universe is a scary place or, since I’m already here, breathing into the happiness – but with a compassionate mind – to develop a greater understanding of why I’m afraid of these things.
I mean, yes, trolls are scary, but should they keep me from happiness? And I’m ready for the bigger fights – I’ve got my Warrior Tribe to back me up, eh?
Explore The Inner Tribe
But, also, What Would Mama Do?
I don’t know?
A lot of people use the phrase ‘What Would Jesus Do’ to help orient themselves but that doesn’t resonate for me.
For a while I had the VERY clear indicator, the ideal Mama – when I was pregnant with the kids – to do whatever the healthiest choice was for the growing life inside of me – but they’re out and about now.
I was discussing this concept with my life coach yesterday and she introduced me to the idea of the inner family – the voices who can provide guiding insight to different moods, situations, experiences. Not necessarily the people who will make the decisions – that’s YOU – but people who sometimes NEED to be heard.
And then embraced. Or ignored. Or held.
What would the inner mama or big sister suggest? What would the inner guru do?
Who is my wise figure? My nurturing figure? My protective figure?
And what are they saying?
How can I embrace success? And expand into happiness?
What Say You?
And then, of course, there’s you, beautiful Warriors.
What would YOU do?
Do you have experience with resistance? With conquering it? With embracing it?
With dancing with the devil in the pale moon light?
Does this resonate?