Once More With Feeling

[Dutch Lock Down Day One Hundred Eighty]

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

Naps are ridiculously evil.

So delicious, YES, yet so very evil. Once I’ve napped, that night is terrible. It’ll be hard to fall asleep on time AND the sleep, once attained, is light and restless. The next morning it’ll be hard to wake up. But you’ll get up again, just the same, because back up alarm clock howls for her food and water. But don’t go upstairs. Not even once. Because the siren song of the warm bed in the cold room with the feather pillows calls.

Damnit.

But first the news:

That’s me.

I took a nap yesterday. It fucked me up last night. Then I took a nap today.

Tonight’s going to be GREAT.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

But at least I did a massive walk this morning. And another walk with the kids at the park. And hit all the milestones for the day with this writing.

I’m just… out of sorts still?

Turns out being kind, patient, and accepting is HARD.

You can’t just read and book or take a pill or flip a switch.

I want an easy button, damnit.

But I can tell the Headspace courses are helping – I listen to two different courses each day – one in the morning and one at night.

Kindness, a ten day course, to foster feelings of compassion towards yourself and learn to judge others less harshly too.

And Self-esteem x NBA, a thirty day course, to flip the script on your inner critic and embrace a new perspective because self-doubt and judgement cloud your understanding about what you can accomplish.

It’s slow. But slow and steady win the race, amirite.

This morning I got up at five fifteen, but totally fell down the rabbit hole exploring Thousand Year Old Vampire https://timhutchings.itch.io/tyov and catching up with a friend in the States. Suddenly it was six forty five and if I didn’t leap into the house, make a protein shake, and go go go, I knew I couldn’t escape the house before the kids were downstairs.

It meant I walked five minutes into the five kilometer loop before I realized my fitbit was still charging in my office.

All those precious steps! For naught!

I walked back grumbling at myself for being so stupid. And immediately my brain focused on the positive. But you DID remember. And sooner rather than later. If you had remembered down the road? Halfway through? But, no, you remembered five minutes from the house.

Good job, Leander.

And, sure, I took that nap today. But I was exhausted. AND I woke up after instead of sleeping the rest of the day. AND I worked out afterwards. AND I did a thirty second plank. AND I cooked an amazing dinner of sesame rice, sticky mushrooms, and sweet / sour radishes. AND baked oatmeal date cookies. AND published the daily blog post!

So, sure, I took a nap.

Bad, Leander.

But also, AWESOME, Leander – for still doing all those productive things. For focusing on the positive. For taking those headspace courses today.

And being a bit more kind to yourself.

I hope you’re figuring things out, too, Warriors. That you had a restful weekend full of more ups than downs. And that you’re ready to dive into another delightful week.