Gefeliciteerd, K!

photo-1458175049065-aefb15b1b58bI miss a lot of people’s birthdays and anniversaries and special events cause I so totally suck at keeping in touch or remembering these amazing dates that are so precious to you, but just another day because I AM NOT A GOOD FRIEND.


When you call me on it. Or remind me.

I will so totally respond. And follow up. And make sure that Things Happen.


Especially since I haven’t celebrated my fortieth in Groningen yet, I’m counter-calling YOU out, K – we’re meeting for drinks and cake and laughs to celebrate your big TWO SIX!

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oh, HELLO.

photo-1455692983146-bb54a19f71e0Last night I said good bye to my bestest friend, my zusje, my soulmate – and she flew back home to Atlanta.

Cause work.

And now I just wanna sleep all the time and not eat and have negative thoughts.

But I knew something like this was happening, so these are the steps I took to lessen the blow.

Continue reading “oh, HELLO.”

Cheat to Win

cake-727854_960_720Okay, so let’s catch up.

A recap. Review. Restatement of facts. Redundantly. Repeatedly. Again.

  • Stay up late talking – SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON.
  • Visit friends and family and eat amazing food and drink ALL THE WINE.
  • Eat cake. Lots and lots of cake.
  • Go to Ariel Stretch class together cause torture is good for the soul.
  • Do an escape room cause DUH. Hopefully we get out. Hopefully we don’t kill each other in the process. Hopefully our friendship survives.
  • Do something spa like. Probably a massage. Cause MASSAGE.
  • Cracker Barrel. Cause tradition. And pancakes. Real American Pancakes. With all the butter.

Those were the goals, but what have we done so far?

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In All The Devilish Details

radio2I can’t believe how utterly and completely surprised I was by one of my birthday presents. I blame it on the lack of sleep and soul sucking depression that’s been hanging out lately. Nightmares are bad for observance, yo.

It’s really hard to surprise me.


I knew as soon as I heard a vehicle pulling into the driveway that Pontus had rented a car to take us to birthday dinner. And that it was most likely the same company that drove us from our wedding to our b&b cottage fifteen years ago.

And I was right.

When Pontus asked if I preferred dinner after Sasha went to bed or before I knew he was planning on making reservations at Out of the Fire.

And I was right.


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On Life

raceThere’s tons of things racing through my head lately, probably cause of my birthday, but also because life is particularly full these days what with all the walks in the park and toddler wrestlings and ferry boat rides complete with free shirts.

So this post is equally random and racing through things and sort of full like the sensation you get after eating a dinner of bobotie with a fresh side salad and thick mocha mousse and scoops of vanilla bean and forest fruits ice cream for dessert.


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Just Wait Til Your Fifties!

mirrorThe birthday was one of reflection and planning.

Looking back is easy cause hind sight’s twenty-twenty, right? Except when you think about one thing it reminds you of something else and another thing and another. Like watching a youtube video. Suddenly hours have passed and you’re blinking from the bright light of sudden dawn.

Oh, hello, rabbit hole.

*blink blink*

Only one year of the second masters completed. Dropping out of school and moving to NYC

Modeling in NYC.

Being a magician’s assistant

Inventing zombie movement by combining the psychology of dance and extensive research via horror movies and haunted houses.

Retiring from dance and diving into tech full time

Joining Red Hat, then turning away from a leadership position in support to move to the Netherlands.

Having a baby.

Joining Toastmasters Groningen board as Vice President of Education and deciding to become President for the next board.

Opting to stay at work full time to become a developer advocate in engineering rather than leaving the task force entirely to become a full time mama.

Talking openly about being triggered and what it’s like to have post traumatic stress disorder.

Intense, amazing, mind blowing years.

And over the next ten years?

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Goodbye Thirties. Hello Forties.

2011-08-20-135543_3I’m not nearly as keen on turning forty as I was for thirty.

Thirty I was super stoked about – probably because the twenties were a fucking mess. From a personal standpoint.

I was unstable and truly impressed that I survived to age thirty.

Forty is impressive along the same lines, but for very different reasons. What have I done over the past ten years? Survived a trauma. Fought back. Healed. Moved to Europe. Landed my dream job. Created an AI.

Recently, I wrapped up an annual review with the boss in which the last few career goals were defined. And of course, I’m gonna share them with you RIGHT NOW.

Continue reading “Goodbye Thirties. Hello Forties.”