When my partner and I decided to have children, we decided to have two children. One at a time. We removed the birth control and were instantly pregnant. We have since found out that the chances of this happening are as low as five percent.
The original plan was have a child, when the child is eighteen months old, make another one.
It hasn’t worked out that way.
Now I know what you’re thinking and the answer is …
whenever i start working on this particular speech. this speech that i’m doing for a series of contests. this speech that won THAT club contest and that may or may not win the next level of the toastmasters international speech contests, my stomach starts flipping.
one of the things that happened while i was competing, in both the international speech AND the evaluator contests, is that i was flipping. the fuck. OUT. and that meant that my stomach was doing that butterfly thing. and that i was sweating ALL OVER. and i found it very difficult to focus. at all. i was shaking almost the ENTIRE NIGHT. even after awards were given and representation confirmed, i was high for hours. and then i crashed for DAYS. because this contest? well, it was similar to how i felt when i used to audition ALL THE TIME. back when i danced.
not with a pole so much as scraping by in that weird modern contemporary way with lots of white make up and silky kimonos and excruciatingly slow movement. there were some auditions that were more stressful and somehow OVERWHELMING then others.
But then an invitation comes along and you get all giddy cause it comes along because of a year’s worth of work and I know, I’m being vague, and I promise to post details if it all works out…
Normally when I go speak at conferences it’s because I’ve applied months in advance and been accepted and sent the budget up the management chain and received approval and arranged travel and written an abstract and practiced the demo and tested and practiced and planned.