Please Be Healthy Please Be Fine

I will update this post as more information arrives. Timestamps are military UTC+2.

0900 : Woke up. Set the ringer on the phone to loud. Puked in the shower. Ate a bagel and cream cheese. Helped PROS.alpha get to daycare. Read.

1045 : Went to POP Poli Clinic Psychiatrist appointment. Cried a bit. She told me I seem much stronger than two years ago when she saw me last.

1145 : Ate P’s lunch.

1245 : Still waiting for results from Tuesday.

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Eye Hope That Is All

Just finished with the (multiple) eye doctors.

The relaxed eye (turns out it is only the right eye, not the left) is only turning out slightly (-1 as opposed to -50) and they suspect that my eyes are freaking out because the glasses prescription is slightly off (it used to be -2.50 – now it’s -2.00).

After 40ish it is normal for the eyes to stop being able to compensate for a slightly wrong prescription.

So the next step is go back and get correct glasses and see if the symptoms go away.

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Eye See What You Did There

Let me set the stage first.

In the Netherlands, when you need to see a specialist or even if you suspect you MIGHT need to see a specialist, you meet with your general practitioner first.

Always.

If you don’t, your insurance typically doesn’t cover it.

That appointment is usually something along these lines. Call the secretary. Make an appointment for sometime later that week or next week. See your general practitioner. Explain why you need to see a specialist. The GP enters the recommendation online, answering the questions each specialist requests. Weeks or months later you receive a letter in the mail with your appointment and a package of paperwork to complete before the appointment.

It’s a long process.

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I’m Competing Next Saturday In A Speech Contest

whenever i start working on this particular speech. this speech that i’m doing for a series of contests. this speech that won THAT club contest and that may or may not win the next level of the toastmasters international speech contests, my stomach starts flipping.

the fuck.

OUT.

one of the things that happened while i was competing, in both the international speech AND the evaluator contests, is that i was flipping. the fuck. OUT. and that meant that my stomach was doing that butterfly thing. and that i was sweating ALL OVER. and i found it very difficult to focus. at all. i was shaking almost the ENTIRE NIGHT. even after awards were given and representation confirmed, i was high for hours. and then i crashed for DAYS. because this contest? well, it was similar to how i felt when i used to audition ALL THE TIME. back when i danced.

y’know, professionally.

not with a pole so much as scraping by in that weird modern contemporary way with lots of white make up and silky kimonos and excruciatingly slow movement. there were some auditions that were more stressful and somehow OVERWHELMING then others.

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[trigger warning] Stand In The Place Where You Are

photo-1415336190137-2cfe99b8f3f0Now face North.

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

You’ll note that I totally didn’t write yesterday. Even though I said I would.

Partially because this one’s going to be a sucker punch to the throat meat.

I joke when I’m nervous.

Sort of.

Confused yet?

I am.

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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

Piping Plover and its ChickThis is a story that has been going on since February.

No, further back.

Since Sasha was born.

Further still.

When my partner and I decided to have children, we decided to have two children. One at a time. We removed the birth control and were instantly pregnant. We have since found out that the chances of this happening are as low as five percent.

The original plan was have a child, when the child is eighteen months old, make another one.

It hasn’t worked out that way.

Yet.

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