Enough For Today

DCIM100GOPROGOPR2819.last night was actually kind of kickass awesome, if you compare it to the rest of the week.

i managed that run / walk / jog / pokemon go thing. of course, right after i hit the streets, there was a cat call. and it sucked. and it took a few minutes to get around. but i focused on the game. and accepting those feelings and then LITERALLY moving forward. and managed a little exercise thing. after i got back there was a bit of a cool down. not much because it wasn’t much of a run, but a little chillax time. and then off to the ‘normal’ night routine that includes brushing / flossing / taking care of the skin / yin yoga and wonderful blissful sleep.

except it wasn’t wonderful nor blissful.

sometimes i totally get the idea of not letting pets sleep with you in bed because they’re little monsters who will suffocate you or play or claw you as you drowse, but last night it was like zoe KNEW. i had lots of awesome nightmares full of trauma and triggering things but also family fears and work stress and throughout the night the little bugger slept between our heads. sweetly. and cuddled mostly against me. maybe the partner will tell you a different story – that her paws were pushed up against his nose all night – but for me it was truly precious whenever i woke up.

which was a lot.

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[trigger warning] THAT Appointment

make_an_appointment_subheaderTRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

this morning was the appointment.

THAT appointment.

and when the alarm went off at six in the morning like it has for months, i opened my eyes, turned it off, said NO in my mind and went right back to sleep.

this is the kind of place that has so many no shows that they have an entire no show policy – if you don’t show once, you get a fifty euro bill. if you don’t show twice, they close up your dossier and write you off.

serious shit.

and some part of my mind knew that while I wanted to miss this appointment more than anything, it’s also Good For Me ™ and so wake the fuck up.

so it gave me a nightmare.


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