Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken Sometimes

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Fifty Eight]

You absolutely may not run into the street without looking both ways. And you may not cross the street without holding a grown-up’s hand. And you absolutely must not panic and break all those rules when you see a spider the size of your FACE.


Except DO.

When I saw that thing, even I jumped a bit.

It would’ve included a completely undignified SQUEAK, too, except I was holding you and Putting On A Brave Face and you were trembling, whimpering in my arms and I was Making Assurances and then killing the fucking thing with my boot.

Even though, yes, spiders are not meant to be scary and it’s totally okay when they’re in our house cause, yes, they eat bugs.

When they scare your girl twin so bad that she runs into the street, fleeing to the safe space of Mama’s Left Leg, they DO NOT DESERVE TO LIVE.

But first the news:

Minion Army, while I’m teaching you three all kinds of brilliant rules, I hope you know that there’s always a time and a place to break said rules.

Specifically, here are my top five rules that you totally need to do all the time to succeed in life.

Except when you don’t.

Continue reading “Some Rules Are Meant To Be Broken Sometimes”

Now Where Is My Turkey?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Fifty Two]

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Thanksgiving is a national holiday celebrated on various dates in the United States, Canada, Brazil, Grenada, Saint Lucia, and Liberia, and the sub-national entities LeidenNorfolk Island, and the inhabited territories of the United States. It began as a day of giving thanks and sacrifice for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.

This year it’s celebrated today in the United States and Brazil and as a nod to it, I’m giving thanks for a few things today.

But first the news:

I do humbly give thanks for my patient, beautiful, supportive partner who listens to my troubles and encourages my experiments. And I’m so thankful for our three amazing minions who show us the beauty in patience and bring new definition to both literal and figurative support.

I am thankful for chocolate. Especially fancy bon bons from local chocolate / coffee / wine stores. In little boxes. With little bows. And tiny calories. If you eat them with your eyes shut.

I am so very thankful for effective hormone therapy, finally stabilising riotous and horrid perimenopause, bringing serenity and peace to my poor addled brain.

I am thankful for Dr. Kristin Neff who wrote Self Compassion, an extraordinary book that offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.  

Continue reading “Now Where Is My Turkey?”

Time For Vodka Tonics w/a Twist of Lemon

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Nine]

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

Oke, so remember When Life Hands You Lemons?

It’s storytime.

But first the news:

Let’s start with the punchline, eh?

I forgot to pay a bill, it went to collections, then to small claims court.

The twist is that I was sick while all this was happening, so when I received the summons, I wasn’t surprised, just a bit disappointed.

The sucker punch is how triggering all the legal documents were.

I was involved in a criminal case AND a civil case in the States – the former dropped by a District Attorney, but not before a hearing judge ruled in my favour that there was enough evidence to go to trial, and the latter lasted five years.

The twenty-eight page summons, in Dutch, referencing €25,000, freaked me the fuck out.

I ran to a lawyer.

Who translated the whole thing. And gave me legal advice. And proposed next steps to resolve based on possible scenarios. For an hour. For free.

I could pay €203 by 13 December and the charges would be dropped.

No court.

Or I could go to court on 15 December to protest. And possibly pay an additional €124, depending on how the judge ruled.

I did research. Nope, totally no matching payment to Zalando (yup, this is over a pair of pants).


I paid double to the collections agency. In February.

I call the bailiff (the group taking me to court on behalf of Zalando). Can I speak English? No, I don’t have a reference number.

“It’s better if you email us.”

Fine. I email in English and Dutch. Here’s proof of payment. How do we move forward.

They reply within a few hours, “Client indicates that the payment was for another file.”

And I absolutely CRASH.

Crumble. To. The. Floor. HOWLING.

I haven’t cried like that in years. Not since the original trauma / trials / recovery.

P advises I just pay it.

But I’m crying because of the fucking injustice.

Is the Netherlands as corrupt and awful as the States?

I thought I lived in a safe, just, FAIR country?!?

I calm down a bit. I dry my tears. I work a bit. I walk a lot. I eat an entire box of chocolates.

And I reply, “Voor welk ander bestand was de betaling bedoeld? Ik heb geen enkele andere relatie of enige schuld aan Alektum, daarom kan de betaling alleen betrekking hebben op het enige dossier dat ze hebben voor ons huishouden.”

English: “What other file was the payment intended for? I have no other relationship of any debt to Alektum, therefore the payment can only relate to the only file they have for our household.”

No response.

By the end of the day, I’m no longer broken and bleeding, I’m PISSED with SWORD DRAWN.

And then I wrote that post.

That night I ruminated hard – was up for hours with a racing mind – just like when I was in the midst of the civil suit years ago – but this morning when the alarm went off, while I wasn’t exactly ripped out of bed, I growled, set my shoulders, and I’m ready to fight.

Over pants. Yeah.

But also, for a criminal case dropped because of “he said she said” bullshit in the state of Tenneessee. And for a civil case dropped because we ran out of money and wanted to move on with our lives.

For justice.

Continue reading “Time For Vodka Tonics w/a Twist of Lemon”

Hello, Dance, You Beautiful Siren

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Seven]

Yeah, I still hear it.

Yesterday I did a five minute arm workout with Dance Accepts Everyone and I’ll admit, DAMN, it felt GOOD.

And then today I took a four hour nap in the afternoon.

But first the news:

Tomorrow’s another day, eh?

Continue reading “Hello, Dance, You Beautiful Siren”

I Do Not Recall Those Events, Senator

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Six]

Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

It seems that I may have figured out the source of all the confusion, but I won’t know until a few documents arrive and I promise PROMISE to get more specific as soon as this is all resolved.

In the meantime, no, I’m not getting much sleep lately, cause of the rumination, so the five a.m. kicking ass and taking names until further notice.

But first the news:

I just … look forward to … all this being resolved.

And I REALLY look forward to the appointment with my therapist on Tuesday.

Continue reading “I Do Not Recall Those Events, Senator”