Is Resistance A Thing?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Forty Three]

Photo by Tarik Haiga on Unsplash

How do you conquer it? Or embrace it? Or…?

There are several books that talk about it, but one full on talks about it as a massive dragon and you are the knight and it’s time to do battle, and that’s Do The Work by Steven Pressfield and as much as this book kicks ass and I do love me some dragon analogies, I’m still having trouble applying the tenants as concrete actions.

But first the news:

While resistance seems to manifest for different people in different ways, for me it’s a joy foreboding / success sabotage thing.

If I’m doing well / am happy / am successful / haven’t had problems for a bit / relax, my brain says something along the lines of, “Ah, this won’t last” which is, yes, partially true – all good things come to an end. As do bad things. Everything is temporary. But there’s a part of me that won’t simply embrace the happiness.

Similarly, or maybe because of this, I seem to consciously or unconsciously sabotage those periods of time. My perspective or priorities will shift such that unimportant things or details will become the END OF THE WORLD and because I’ve been content, I won’t be doing self care as consistently or at all, and I’ll get sick.

This is what I’ve been working on, off and on, for the past few months.

Mostly passively, but now that I’m in a content / happy / expanding place, I’m actively facing it head on – how do I embrace happiness and success?

How do I expand into the universe instead of wait for the next disaster to strike?

Continue reading “Is Resistance A Thing?”

A Clean House Is A Clean Mind

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Forty Two]

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

There is an INCREDIBLE amount of construction happening at our house for the past few months and by INCREDIBLE I mean, it’s enough to intrude upon my mental well being.

#GrindsTeeth #DAMNIT

But when it’s done, we’ll have an amazing new top floor, an updated full bathroom, and new kitchen appliances.

Actually, we already have those kitchen appliances cause that was a quick install – new oven / microwave combi thing, new stove top and fan, and a new faucet for the sink.

I’m not going to tell you how long it took me to think of the English word for ‘faucet’ but apparently I only say it in Dutch lately.

#HetIsEenKraan #WatLeuk

In the interest of restoring said mental well being, or, at least, controlling the things I can control, I’m making a list of all the cleaning / organising / Mari Kondo’ing I can do in the interim or will do over the next few weeks / months / years.

But first the news:

Oh, also?

I have a hair appointment for 23 March at 0900 which is the soonest I can get in with Monique at Jottem first thing in the morning.


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Still Feeling Super Weird

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Thirty Nine]

So I did some shopping therapy.

Logical things that I totally need, sure, but also Dr. Martens.

But first the news:

And, honestly, I do feel a bit better.

Continue reading “Still Feeling Super Weird”

“What’s Wrong, Leander?”

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Thirty Seven]

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

…I don’t know….

Then why do I feel like I’m forgetting something. Avoiding something? Procrastinating?

….gently depressed?

But first the news:

I think part of this is that I just went through a lot of shit and it’s mostly resolved, so now I can stop freaking the fuck out.

Or maybe it’s because I’m blinking, coming awake from being asleep / surviving for so long that I’m just now aware of the world around me.

Or maybe the Dutch sun is just too freaking shiny happy fun times today.

Or maybe it’s a Friday.

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I’m Doing Okay, I Swear

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Twenty One]


No one’s throwing up.

Or otherwise sick.


The construction in our house has gone up a few notches and suddenly there’s four construction workers for two days in a row now and while we’ve got a kitchen with a new stove, microwave / oven, and faucet AND a new mostly working bathroom, our house is still, mostly, a construction site.

But first the news:

Despite the beautiful new appliances and the potential for beautiful new renovation, I’m overwhelmed.

Like I’m riding in a plane without a seat belt.

Continue reading “I’m Doing Okay, I Swear”