Adventures in Pregnancy: The Obvious Conclusion

This story. This event. This thing.


It was big.


It was fucking awesome cause that’s when the twins arrived and they kicked much ass and it’s taken me all this time, I thought, because the story was really hard. But, why? Why was it really hard to tell? Because I kept waiting for it to have a happy ending. But that’s now how life works, is it? There isn’t really an ending until the end. And this blog isn’t about happiness, either. It’s about life.

And I know that.


This story was still really hard to tell.

So then I thought maybe it’s because it was so traumatic.

Cause there were some parts, some moments that were really fucking traumatic.

Flash back level, nightmare inducing, horror story traumatic.

Let me get to the punchline, though – the twins are healthy.


They’ve always been super healthy.

During every scare, they come through super healthy. I still utter the mantra often, “Please be healthy. Please be fine.”

But their delivery.

Holy hell.

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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued

The NIGHT after I found out I have obstetric cholestasis, I woke up and neither of the twins was moving.

This is perfectly normal throughout the day and night – the twins sleep and are perfectly still.


When you find out that you have a condition that might kill your children AND you’re expected to PAY CLOSER ATTENTION or THEY COULD DIE, suddenly them not moving is … panic inducing.

So when I woke up and neither twin was moving, I lost my shit.


PROS.alpha has been spending the night in bed with me a lot lately – since the move – and he was there that night.

So when I lost my shit, I took my sleeping three year old son’s hand.

And lay absolutely still.

Focusing only on my breath.

Big breath in.

Big breath out.

Until I fell back asleep.

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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Pineapples

Symptoms: nausea, massiveness, achey joints, painful hips, squished bladder and indigestion.

Still totally puking.


The twins are still consistently healthy.

Both of them.

The boy is pulling ahead in his growth curve while the girl is staying solidly on hers.

This is “normal” says the doctor as boys are typically larger than girls.

Here’s the fun statement of the day – the twins are EACH the SAME SIZE as if they were in a womb BY THEMSELVES.

Let’s take a moment to digest this:


Is the same size as IF they were in their own womb.

For their gender.


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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Butternut Squashes



It took two appointments over two weeks to confirm she’s back on track for growth and that she’s getting plenty of flow.

I was so relieved, I came home from the hospital and fell asleep right on the couch.

Symptoms of twenty-nine weeks include nausea, insomnia due to a massive belly and lots of twin activity, horrible hips, and incredible productivity.

Totally. Still. Puking.

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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cauliflowers

Symptoms: lots of crying, nausea, anger, BIGness, and hips that don’t lie so much as scream at me when I do things like ride a bike or walk too much or sleep or exist.

There were three whole days of not puking.

But, THEN.

Yesterday morning I had a regular control appointment with the gynecologist, but it was set up to be difficult from the start.


P didn’t know about it. I overslept and was running late. Underlying anger issues due to pregnancy meant this was an UTTER DISASTER.

I literally went into the appointment crying.

And, of course, when you go into an appointment already upset and In The Wrong Frame Of Mind ™, you’re guaranteed to receive The Worst News ™.

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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Red Cabbages

Symptoms of the Week: Constipation (cause you should always mention the poop FIRST – sets the tone #amirite), nausea, dizziness, CRYING, constant exhaustion, tension, anger, STRETCH MARKS, painful hips, and a persistent feeling of HUGENESS.

Yuppers, totally still puking.

The awesomeness of this week is that I FEEL big now. For a few days now, it feels like I’m wearing a corset all the time. And I often realize that I’ve been sitting with my ENTIRE core engaged.

I breathe.

And relax.

It helps a bit.

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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Rutabagas

Symptoms are pretty much the same as last week except the hips have become slightly more manageable.

Also, yes, still puking.

It’s awesome.

For the first time in this pregnancy, I feel BIG. Sure, my rings are still loose enough and I don’t have a double chin (yet) or stretch marks (yet) but I have GIRTH.

And I’m okay with that.

I mean, as much as one can be okay with that.

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