Let The Experiment Continue

While, YES, I did get up this morning at six after going to bed, UTTERLY EXHAUSTED, at eight – I wouldn’t call it BOUNCING out of bed.

More like OOZING and THEN reluctantly perched at the starting line.

And then, YES, totally went RUNNING.

And baked some bread. And got the babies up. And the toddler. And managed a shower.


As an aside, a friend recently critiqued my EXTREME use of the ALL CAPS WRITING STYLE and now I’m SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS and CAN’T STOP.

It’s like when someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant.

Continue reading “Let The Experiment Continue”

It’s Called Hope. I Haz It.

I haven’t been posting on groningenrain.nl but I HAVE BEEN trying to write every day. I read about ‘morning pages’ once long ago and incorporated it into my daily practice. And then I stopped. And then I started up again. And then I stopped. It’s definitely been off again on again for years.

But since the twins birth, I’ve been on more than off.

Yay, baby steps!

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Repeat, as needed.

Another habit that I want to reincorporate (besides posting here!) is strength training and exercise. Specifically with body weight and then free weights. It’s been ten forevers. The excuse is that my personal trainer moved back to Israel.

The reality is that I’m sometimes a lazy punk.

And then I was pregnant.

And, then, well, motherhood.

Continue reading “It’s Called Hope. I Haz It.”

Wait, Weight, Don’t Tell Me

There are more than a few reasons why I haven’t been posting on here, most importantly, really, is #TWINS.


And the other thing is that I got out of the habit.

Also, obviously.

But less obviously is that I’ve been recovering from All The Complications ™ and one of the things that happened is that I lost a shit ton of weight really fast. And how are you supposed to talk about that?

“Oh, hey, I just had twins, but look, I’m totally back in my pre-first-pregnancy clothes, but poor me, I’m so so skinny.”


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Adventures in Pregnancy: The Obvious Conclusion

This story. This event. This thing.


It was big.


It was fucking awesome cause that’s when the twins arrived and they kicked much ass and it’s taken me all this time, I thought, because the story was really hard. But, why? Why was it really hard to tell? Because I kept waiting for it to have a happy ending. But that’s now how life works, is it? There isn’t really an ending until the end. And this blog isn’t about happiness, either. It’s about life.

And I know that.


This story was still really hard to tell.

So then I thought maybe it’s because it was so traumatic.

Cause there were some parts, some moments that were really fucking traumatic.

Flash back level, nightmare inducing, horror story traumatic.

Let me get to the punchline, though – the twins are healthy.


They’ve always been super healthy.

During every scare, they come through super healthy. I still utter the mantra often, “Please be healthy. Please be fine.”

But their delivery.

Holy hell.

Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Obvious Conclusion”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued

The NIGHT after I found out I have obstetric cholestasis, I woke up and neither of the twins was moving.

This is perfectly normal throughout the day and night – the twins sleep and are perfectly still.


When you find out that you have a condition that might kill your children AND you’re expected to PAY CLOSER ATTENTION or THEY COULD DIE, suddenly them not moving is … panic inducing.

So when I woke up and neither twin was moving, I lost my shit.


PROS.alpha has been spending the night in bed with me a lot lately – since the move – and he was there that night.

So when I lost my shit, I took my sleeping three year old son’s hand.

And lay absolutely still.

Focusing only on my breath.

Big breath in.

Big breath out.

Until I fell back asleep.

Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Cantaloupes Continued”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Pineapples

Symptoms: nausea, massiveness, achey joints, painful hips, squished bladder and indigestion.

Still totally puking.


The twins are still consistently healthy.

Both of them.

The boy is pulling ahead in his growth curve while the girl is staying solidly on hers.

This is “normal” says the doctor as boys are typically larger than girls.

Here’s the fun statement of the day – the twins are EACH the SAME SIZE as if they were in a womb BY THEMSELVES.

Let’s take a moment to digest this:


Is the same size as IF they were in their own womb.

For their gender.


Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Pineapples”

Adventures in Pregnancy: The Butternut Squashes



It took two appointments over two weeks to confirm she’s back on track for growth and that she’s getting plenty of flow.

I was so relieved, I came home from the hospital and fell asleep right on the couch.

Symptoms of twenty-nine weeks include nausea, insomnia due to a massive belly and lots of twin activity, horrible hips, and incredible productivity.

Totally. Still. Puking.

Continue reading “Adventures in Pregnancy: The Butternut Squashes”