[trigger warning] “Smile.”

14368761_10102453058832481_4428515642593704516_nTRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

I will admit that I’ve lived in Europe so long that I often forget what it’s like to be cat called in public. As opposed to a pub.

Where it’s acceptable?

No. Wrong. Still no bueno.

But still.

Back to the point.

I went to see Niagara Falls today. And walk to Canada. And eat poutine.

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And I did.

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But also an employee of Niagara Falls Maid of the Mist boat tour company told me to “Smile” as he passed me.

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[trigger warning] And Then I Got Up At 0515 And Went For A Run

A photo by Sonja Langford. unsplash.com/photos/eIkbSc3SDtITRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

The last few days have been super dark and truly unpleasant. So dark and unpleasant that I stopped writing.

Entirely.

Not even on 750words.com.

Last night as I was falling asleep at nine, setting my alarm clock for five, I started visualizing this morning.

Wait.

Too far.

Lemme back up.

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Week Five :: 08 sep :: Dessert and Coffee Celebration and Debriefing

photo-1447523264591-68112eb55c23there are so many things i could write about today.

1. i’m feeling so much better.

and that all by itself is a good thing. so much better, in fact, (or maybe because?) that i went to try to trade in my american drivers’ license for a dutch one which is something you can only do if you (OR YOUR SPOUSE) have the thirty percent rule. we didn’t find out that spouse clause until i got my own ruling which clearly stated, in english, that my spouse is qualified as well, which landed the partner a right solid dutch scolding from yours truly who could’ve nabbed a dutch drivers license under his thirty percent rule received FIVE YEARS AGO. i only recently (a year ago) nabbed my own ruling, but all’s well that ends well, right?so i tried to go today (there’s SO MUCH PAPERWORK involved, like all government things) and i was still missing a piece (passport photo) and an appointment or you can go without an appointment tuesday through friday afternoon. as today was monday, i was shit out of luck. so i went to get a passport photo and make an appointment. in reality, i’m just going to show up tomorrow afternoon. for my lunch.

cause that’s one hell of productive lunch.

(OR I GET MY HAPPY BUTT ONLINE AND MAKE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT FOR WEDNESDAY AT LUNCH, FINE.)

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[redacted] Bad Rain, No Cookie

photo-1464195244916-405fa0a82545Yesterday I wrote a vague passive aggressive post on here and immediately regretted it.

But like most things, I want to sleep on decisions before I take action, so I slept.

And I felt the same today as I did yesterday when it was published.

But then there’s the matter of how.

Just rip it down without explanation?

Edit it and leave an explanation the next day?

Cause I’m posting every day. But also I want to remember this. This feeling right now. Of not wanting it there. Because that’s not who I want to be.

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Enough For Today

DCIM100GOPROGOPR2819.last night was actually kind of kickass awesome, if you compare it to the rest of the week.

i managed that run / walk / jog / pokemon go thing. of course, right after i hit the streets, there was a cat call. and it sucked. and it took a few minutes to get around. but i focused on the game. and accepting those feelings and then LITERALLY moving forward. and managed a little exercise thing. after i got back there was a bit of a cool down. not much because it wasn’t much of a run, but a little chillax time. and then off to the ‘normal’ night routine that includes brushing / flossing / taking care of the skin / yin yoga and wonderful blissful sleep.

except it wasn’t wonderful nor blissful.

sometimes i totally get the idea of not letting pets sleep with you in bed because they’re little monsters who will suffocate you or play or claw you as you drowse, but last night it was like zoe KNEW. i had lots of awesome nightmares full of trauma and triggering things but also family fears and work stress and throughout the night the little bugger slept between our heads. sweetly. and cuddled mostly against me. maybe the partner will tell you a different story – that her paws were pushed up against his nose all night – but for me it was truly precious whenever i woke up.

which was a lot.

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So You Want To Write A Memoire

photo-1455390582262-044cdead277athere are a TON of ‘how to write a book’ posts and books and whatnot out there and since i want to be just like everyone else, i’m writing one, too.

i’ve always been impressed with authors of all kinds – fiction and non-fiction, sci fi / historical / magic realism, text books and man pages – the idea of putting words on a page to be read by someone else to transfer knowledge and ideas is mind blowing to me.

last year i bit the bullet and joined na no wri mo which is the national novel writing month. you agree to write fifty thousand words in one month. the month of november. thirty one days. which calculates out to around sixteen hundred thirteen words per day.

BUT WHO’S COUNTING.

the website has all kinds of helpful prods like an app that shows you how you’re doing compared to the sixteen hundred words per day thing and you can sign up for groups near you (go, dutch writers!) and even friend specific people and see how you’re doing comparatively – make it a bit of a competition. they also send out tips and tricks and motivators to keep you going via email / twitter / facebook / their website.

you need to keep track of your own writing, as in, there’s no automated database repository, but you can do that via 750words.com, for example, that doesn’t post your words, and then backup locally to your own hard drive. when you want them to know how many words you’ve written, you copy / paste your work in progress to them, but they only count the words, you can’t pull that information back from nanowrimo.com. or dot org. whatever it is.

quite a few of my colleagues have written books and i’m interested in writing a book or two or three and so i asked them for their advice.

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How To Survive A WOW Flight

WOW-Air_500x500_thumbI wrote this ON THE FLIGHT HOME while sitting on the second of three FLIGHT legs. I’m on the final of three TRAIN legs. And still about ninety minutes to go. I’m telling you all this so you understand how utterly exhausted I was when I wrote it as well as why I can’t be bothered to re-read / edit / finalize it for you now.

Cause BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED.

Forget the free pillows and blankets and entertainment, forget the free drink and snack and checked bag!

And I hope you like purple.

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Three Bullet Points Cause OMG Life Is Moving Too Fast

typingSure, sometimes we fall back on bullet point lists cause we’ve read entirely too much buzzfeed and lists are all the rage, but sometimes, and more likely in this case, we let that buffer fall behind until it was nothing and forgot to write anything for today and now it’s today and it’s thirty minutes after your regularly scheduled publication.

Ahem.

So, without further ado, three quick and dirty links to amazing technical resources.

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