I Surrender To Your Will

[Dutch Lock Down Day Four Hundred Seventy Four]

When I started to do research for this one, well, I got completely distracted by ALL the movies and songs and albums and references and definitions for the word that I’ll admit that I’m overwhelmed and, well, STRESSED.

This one is a SLIGHT click bait / bait and switch thing as my life coach asked me to write about surrender ala the Serenity Prayer in light of all the stressors going on in my life right now and for those who want the reminder:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

But first the news:

Thus, instead, I’m going to take a deep breath in.

Hold it for a count of five.

And let it out again.

Continue reading “I Surrender To Your Will”

What Are Your Core Principles? Your Main Values?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Eighty Three]

I’m asked this one a lot lately and, thankfully, I’ve thought about it quite a bit and even wrote it down.

My core principles are to embrace radical transparency and fail often; while I sometimes struggle with one, I’m rather successful with the other.

My core values are compassion, honesty, and open-mindedness.


But first the news:

I don’t usually answer that eloquently as much as something like, “I embrace transparency, collaboration, and appreciation.”

The transparency value is something that has been with me since I was quite young and was quite miserable to live with in America where you need to be polite and filter your thoughts and actions depending on context, environment, and people.

You can imagine how delightful it was for me to move to the Netherlands where it’s normal and expected to be honest and transparent always, despite context, environment, and people.

The collaboration thing developed as recently as my dance career – I discovered that I loved working with my dancers to create movement and timing rather than telling them to do MY movement and timing on THEIR bodies. Choreography was a collaboration.

And then I joined Red Hat where collaboration is a core principle. That experience made my love of collaboration evolve, develop, and grow stronger.

The appreciation thing, though, is fairly new.

Continue reading “What Are Your Core Principles? Your Main Values?”

Get Thee To Bed, Leander

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Seventy]

Photo by Cris Saur on Unsplash

One of the habits that I well and truly miss that has gone the way of all flesh is getting up around five in the morning.

It fell away at some point when one of the kids was sick or I was stressed or some other perfectly valid excuse, but just hasn’t returned.

There’s always a Really Good Reason ™ but I also truly LOVE the quiet morning time.

When I get to code.

And read.

And think.

And get started MY way.

But first the news:

I really started yearning for this habit again when I was laid off two weeks ago but, again, there’ve been EXCELLENT reasons to ignore the urge – Girl Twin was sick.

Then I was sick.

Fair enough.

Continue reading “Get Thee To Bed, Leander”

Is Resistance A Thing?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Forty Three]

Photo by Tarik Haiga on Unsplash

How do you conquer it? Or embrace it? Or…?

There are several books that talk about it, but one full on talks about it as a massive dragon and you are the knight and it’s time to do battle, and that’s Do The Work by Steven Pressfield and as much as this book kicks ass and I do love me some dragon analogies, I’m still having trouble applying the tenants as concrete actions.

But first the news:

While resistance seems to manifest for different people in different ways, for me it’s a joy foreboding / success sabotage thing.

If I’m doing well / am happy / am successful / haven’t had problems for a bit / relax, my brain says something along the lines of, “Ah, this won’t last” which is, yes, partially true – all good things come to an end. As do bad things. Everything is temporary. But there’s a part of me that won’t simply embrace the happiness.

Similarly, or maybe because of this, I seem to consciously or unconsciously sabotage those periods of time. My perspective or priorities will shift such that unimportant things or details will become the END OF THE WORLD and because I’ve been content, I won’t be doing self care as consistently or at all, and I’ll get sick.

This is what I’ve been working on, off and on, for the past few months.

Mostly passively, but now that I’m in a content / happy / expanding place, I’m actively facing it head on – how do I embrace happiness and success?

How do I expand into the universe instead of wait for the next disaster to strike?

Continue reading “Is Resistance A Thing?”

On The First Day of Vacation, My True Love Gave to Me

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Seventy Four]

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

A super decadent chocolate brownie with cream cheese icing.


I’m on vacation until 04 January, so this whole Twelve Days of Christmas theme won’t last, but it’s on my mind Right Now as Boy Twin fusses from his room, resisting this whole sleep thing because he slept for extra long this afternoon so Fuck This Shit.

Agreed, Little Buddy.

Fuck. This. Shit.

But first the news:

Especially if you’ve slept for three whole hours in the afternoon.

Fuck all this shit right to hell.

Continue reading “On The First Day of Vacation, My True Love Gave to Me”