On The First Day of Vacation, My True Love Gave to Me

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Seventy Four]

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

A super decadent chocolate brownie with cream cheese icing.


I’m on vacation until 04 January, so this whole Twelve Days of Christmas theme won’t last, but it’s on my mind Right Now as Boy Twin fusses from his room, resisting this whole sleep thing because he slept for extra long this afternoon so Fuck This Shit.

Agreed, Little Buddy.

Fuck. This. Shit.

But first the news:

Especially if you’ve slept for three whole hours in the afternoon.

Fuck all this shit right to hell.

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Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Damn

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Fifty Four]

Photo by Ravi Roshan on Unsplash

Yes, I forgot to write yesterday until it was time for bed, past time for bed, in fact, and then, instead of staying up even later, I took a deep breath in, let it out, accepted that I wouldn’t write today’s post today, and went to bed.

So today’s post is care of tomorrow and you’re reading this from the future.

Ain’t. Life. GRAND.

This week, in pursuit of the Farmer Project, I dove into radical compassion and, orthogonally related, discovering another word for self-improvement.

But first the news:

I don’t like the word self-improvement.

It implies that you’re less than now and once you completely self-improvement, you’ll be better than.

And growth reminds me too much of plants. I kill plants. Also, why is a bit of height or a step towards death, without any effort, considered a good thing. And what’s the opposite? When I’m not growing, I’m … shrinking?


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Now Where Is My Turkey?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Fifty Two]

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Thanksgiving is a national holiday celebrated on various dates in the United States, Canada, Brazil, Grenada, Saint Lucia, and Liberia, and the sub-national entities LeidenNorfolk Island, and the inhabited territories of the United States. It began as a day of giving thanks and sacrifice for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.

This year it’s celebrated today in the United States and Brazil and as a nod to it, I’m giving thanks for a few things today.

But first the news:

I do humbly give thanks for my patient, beautiful, supportive partner who listens to my troubles and encourages my experiments. And I’m so thankful for our three amazing minions who show us the beauty in patience and bring new definition to both literal and figurative support.

I am thankful for chocolate. Especially fancy bon bons from local chocolate / coffee / wine stores. In little boxes. With little bows. And tiny calories. If you eat them with your eyes shut.

I am so very thankful for effective hormone therapy, finally stabilising riotous and horrid perimenopause, bringing serenity and peace to my poor addled brain.

I am thankful for Dr. Kristin Neff who wrote Self Compassion, an extraordinary book that offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.  

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Look At All The Pretty Colors!! !

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Three]

Photo by Ruvim Noga on Unsplash

To get an idea of where I am these days, when I woke up in the night with pain behind my eye, before it blossomed into a full blown migraine and after inhaling 1000 mg paracetamol, I thought, “Damnit, is this another level of psychological resistance?”

I don’t think so?

But first the news:

Also, there was a press conference tonight and since the numbers have dropped, a few lockdown measures are being lifted as of tomorrow night at midnight. And as of 01 December, masks will be required in public buildings.

Also, if you’re keen for a snarky, English summary of the press conference, check out:

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Rain and the Fear of Failure

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Two]

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

Psychological resistance is the phenomenon often encountered in clinical practice in which patients either directly or indirectly exhibit paradoxical opposing behaviours in presumably a clinically initiated push and pull of a change process.

While I’m not currently actively involved in a clinical practice, I *AM* working with a life coach right now – specifically, I have initiated my own push of a change process.

I will be out standing in my field.

But first the news:

Examples of psychological resistance may include perfectionism, criticising, disrespectful attitude, being self-critical, preoccupation with appearance, social withdrawal, need to be seen as independent and invulnerable, or an inability to accept compliments or constructive criticism.


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