Happy Trans Day of Visibility!! !

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Seventy Seven]

Tell your favourite trans people you see them.

We love that.

In the interest of full disclosure, yes, I identify as a bi-sexual non-binary trans feminine queer person; my pronouns are they / them.

I’m trans.

See me.

But first the news:

Today is International Transgender Day of Visibility – an annual event occurring on March 31[1][2] dedicated to celebrating transgender people and raising awareness of discrimination faced by transgender people worldwide, as well as a celebration of their contributions to society. The day was founded by US-based transgender activist[3] Rachel Crandall of Michigan in 2009[4] as a reaction to the lack of LGBT recognition of transgender people, citing the frustration that the only well-known transgender-centered day was the Transgender Day of Remembrance, which mourned the murders of transgender people, but did not acknowledge and celebrate living members of the transgender community.


To celebrate, I joined Equinix’s internal Trans Day of Visibility celebration to speak on a panel and answer a few questions.

And then there were time changes.

And confusion.

And I couldn’t participate.

So I cried.

And cried.

And cried.

And then pulled myself together and picked up the kids and fed them supper and ate some food and drank soda and self cared and got the twins into bed and self cared and got First Minion into bed and now I’m doing oke.

These past three weeks have been incredibly intense.

And I haven’t let up in the least.

So when something mildly disappointing happens, even as gentle as a perceived rejection or social slight, it’s more upsetting than “normal”. Thankfully, I know how to take care of myself and I AM taking care of myself and taking care of kids sometimes helps a bit.

Picking up at the end of their day, for example, they are SO HAPPY to see me.

To come home.

Which is absolutely wonderful.

So I’m going to go to bed now and hopefully process this lightly and put it away until I’m solidly under employment again and can unpack these things with time and compassion.

And visibility.

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A Clean House Is A Clean Mind

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Forty Two]

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

There is an INCREDIBLE amount of construction happening at our house for the past few months and by INCREDIBLE I mean, it’s enough to intrude upon my mental well being.

#GrindsTeeth #DAMNIT

But when it’s done, we’ll have an amazing new top floor, an updated full bathroom, and new kitchen appliances.

Actually, we already have those kitchen appliances cause that was a quick install – new oven / microwave combi thing, new stove top and fan, and a new faucet for the sink.

I’m not going to tell you how long it took me to think of the English word for ‘faucet’ but apparently I only say it in Dutch lately.

#HetIsEenKraan #WatLeuk

In the interest of restoring said mental well being, or, at least, controlling the things I can control, I’m making a list of all the cleaning / organising / Mari Kondo’ing I can do in the interim or will do over the next few weeks / months / years.

But first the news:

Oh, also?

I have a hair appointment for 23 March at 0900 which is the soonest I can get in with Monique at Jottem first thing in the morning.


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Still Feeling Super Weird

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Thirty Nine]

So I did some shopping therapy.

Logical things that I totally need, sure, but also Dr. Martens.

But first the news:

And, honestly, I do feel a bit better.

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“What’s Wrong, Leander?”

[Dutch Lock Down Day Three Hundred Thirty Seven]

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

…I don’t know….

Then why do I feel like I’m forgetting something. Avoiding something? Procrastinating?

….gently depressed?

But first the news:

I think part of this is that I just went through a lot of shit and it’s mostly resolved, so now I can stop freaking the fuck out.

Or maybe it’s because I’m blinking, coming awake from being asleep / surviving for so long that I’m just now aware of the world around me.

Or maybe the Dutch sun is just too freaking shiny happy fun times today.

Or maybe it’s a Friday.

Continue reading ““What’s Wrong, Leander?””