“How Are You Guys?”

A friend reached out and whatsapp’d me this morning, “How are you guys?” and I replied:

“Riding the roller coaster that is traveling and working and living “abroad”.

I’d rather be home for Sasha’s sake, but there are aspects that are more productive for me here; like I’ve coded more in the past two weeks than I have in the past year. And when I have an idea, I can reach out more easily, even if it’s with a distributed colleague, because I’m sitting in their time zone.

But I also want to be back home cause I want to re-arrange the house a bit; move the master bedroom to the middle floor and the guest room / office to the top floor.”

I recognize that I’m more productive here and there are so many ideas that need to be written down, organized, published, implemented, messed up, eaten, spit out, eaten again, digested.

I might’ve skipped breakfast.

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[trigger warning] Stand In The Place Where You Are

photo-1415336190137-2cfe99b8f3f0Now face North.

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

You’ll note that I totally didn’t write yesterday. Even though I said I would.

Partially because this one’s going to be a sucker punch to the throat meat.

I joke when I’m nervous.

Sort of.

Confused yet?

I am.

Continue reading “[trigger warning] Stand In The Place Where You Are”

Careful, Leander, You’re Posting Daily Again

just-the-owlThe thing about travelling for work and going to conferences is that it puts me in a certain daily routine with a lot of quiet time in places and while I could ramble on and on about the whys and wherefores, the end result is that I’m able to write here more regularly.

Hi.

This week I’m in Buffalo New York for Code Daze, a conference with the kickass tagline, “Reviving The Art Of Code & Building Community”. I had no idea that I knew one of the organizers when I applied with The ABCs of Being a RDO OoO ATC talk, but it’s a small small world.

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[ghostwriter] No Loneliness

photo-1439321207454-5bff0eb53648GHOSTWRITER I have been quite ill for the last couple of days / weeks / months, and stopped writing entirely since 16 August. A reader took notice and asked if she could help. I asked her if she’d like to write a post or two. She said yes.

I’m a ghost, I’m a guest.

It has been awfully quite here, but today that stops. Because the worst part of being sick is the loneliness. Which gets worse when you are sick for a longer period.
To understand that you need to understand that there are easy diseases–to which everybody can relate and might even had a couple of times, you recover from them soon and life will be back to normal; a sprained ankle, a broken arm, the flu, a severe headache or a kidney stone–and hard diseases–to which only a few can relate, they are more severe and take longer to recover from, they usually are chronic, recurring or deadly; asthma, diabetes, rheumatism or cancer.

People want everything normal, so once a disease is no longer acute, recently diagnosed or visible, they will decide the sick is well enough and life continues.

However, the disease isn’t cured
and although it is nice not to be treated as a patient,
the lack of support is devastating.

The monster of loneliness attacks.

Continue reading “[ghostwriter] No Loneliness”

Right?

A photo by Pineapples. unsplash.com/photos/kjTQwE-Q50MIf I’ve made a commitment to write every day and I can write several posts and schedule them for the next few days, I should be able to miss a day and then back post it, right?

Further, it means I can totally edit that post from two days ago when I was so freaking tired and headed down that all I could post was two words.

RIGHT?!?

We’re Going To Label This One Contemporary Awkwardism

photo-1423666639041-f56000c27a9aI had an epiphany this morning – that the internet has had stages, not unlike art movements. In art there was the Renaissance, Neoclassicism, Romanticism, Modern art, and Contemporary – and before you get too impressed with me, know that I totally wikipedia’d that shit. (After I google’d ‘art eras’, realized I meant ‘periods’, chuckled, then googled ‘art periods’ imagining bloody swathes of time).

YOU’RE WELCOME

But in the internet, we haven’t really labeled the movements. Well, some of us have but most of us don’t really think about it.

Except those guys. Those guys totally thought about it.

But that wasn’t the epiphany.

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So You Want To Write A Memoire

photo-1455390582262-044cdead277athere are a TON of ‘how to write a book’ posts and books and whatnot out there and since i want to be just like everyone else, i’m writing one, too.

i’ve always been impressed with authors of all kinds – fiction and non-fiction, sci fi / historical / magic realism, text books and man pages – the idea of putting words on a page to be read by someone else to transfer knowledge and ideas is mind blowing to me.

last year i bit the bullet and joined na no wri mo which is the national novel writing month. you agree to write fifty thousand words in one month. the month of november. thirty one days. which calculates out to around sixteen hundred thirteen words per day.

BUT WHO’S COUNTING.

the website has all kinds of helpful prods like an app that shows you how you’re doing compared to the sixteen hundred words per day thing and you can sign up for groups near you (go, dutch writers!) and even friend specific people and see how you’re doing comparatively – make it a bit of a competition. they also send out tips and tricks and motivators to keep you going via email / twitter / facebook / their website.

you need to keep track of your own writing, as in, there’s no automated database repository, but you can do that via 750words.com, for example, that doesn’t post your words, and then backup locally to your own hard drive. when you want them to know how many words you’ve written, you copy / paste your work in progress to them, but they only count the words, you can’t pull that information back from nanowrimo.com. or dot org. whatever it is.

quite a few of my colleagues have written books and i’m interested in writing a book or two or three and so i asked them for their advice.

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[trigger warning] I Understand What It Is That I Am Fighting For

photo-1429051883746-afd9d56fbdafTRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

I have had something on my mind for months now – ever since I decided to “come out of the closet” and post about reporting an incident (and the outcome) to the OpenStack Foundation – and that is how do I mix the unrelated combination of technology and tripleo and openstack with these very personal experiences that I’m having at the moment.

Further, that Brock Turner case happened and talking about waking up in the tub and having / dealing with / recovering from PTSD – it’s all very triggering.

What if someone comes here because of a google search for openstack tripleo leander to read about articles related to that, but stumble upon unexpected triggers.

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Same Bat Time. Same Bat Channel.

typingsome things happened after i wrote [trigger warning] “I woke up in the tub”.

one, the hits / visitors / stats went through the roof. higher than i’ve ever seen, one day there were over five hundred hits. when the average before was around ten.

TEN.

two, people sent their support in the form of email, calls, private messages, comments, and such. it was overwhelming and beautiful and amazing and i wanted it to never end.

THANK YOU.

but also, i felt an incredible pressure to leap forward and write the rest of the story. and simultaneously, what if the rest of the story isn’t as engaging? or what if i say something that turns people against me? or what if i can’t find the words?

Continue reading “Same Bat Time. Same Bat Channel.”