Yes, I Finally Called The Doctor


This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

I have an appointment for tomorrow morning at 0830.

But, also, I need to go pick up the prescription refill.

One of the things, one of the PROBLEMS, with moving and living in another country where you don’t know the language / customs / steps to get something done, it makes simple things that you used to do WITHOUT THINKING – it makes those things fucking hard.

For example, picking up a prescription refill.

Now that we live in a new town, I have a new doctor and a new pharmacy and since it’s a much much smaller town where everything is in Dutch, it means things are HARDER.

And when you’re struggling with mental illness, THINGS ARE ALREADY HARDER.


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Yes, I’ll Call The Doctor Tomorrow


This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

The doorbell rang.

It was a solicitor. Asking for funds for albino children in Zimbabwe.

And when I pointed out how we didn’t have extra funds until the fall when our oldest goes to school, he wanted to say, “Just two things.”

One, albino children considered magical so they are hunted down and their bones are sold on the black market as medicine like rhino horns.

And two, and this is the thing that got me – that made me say, “Fuck it, I’ve got to help.” two is that since they’re magical, sex with them imbues others with strength and the younger the child, the stronger the strength.

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What We’ve Learned So Far

As I’ve been rebuilding this site. In case you hadn’t noticed. I have.

Cause of the hack.

And this is what I’ve learned so far…

Backups Aren’t Necessary UNTIL THEY ARE

If I had been maintaining regular backups (which the hosting company is totally happy to do for just a few euros more per month), it would’ve taken a few short hours (minutes? let’s hope I never find out.) to rebuild. Instead it’s been days. And it’s going to take at least another week to smooth out all the wrinkles.

So now I use Vaultpress, a WordPress plugin that interfaces with Jetpack, for daily backups.

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I’m Obviously Stressed About Something

But I don’t know what it is.

Helpful, aren’t I?

Whenever I’m feeling stressed or anxious or depressed, there are signs. Lately I’ve been sitting on my ass doing NOTHING except watching television and / or eating. At night I chew my tongue so hard that the pain wakes me up. I also have nightmares.

And it’s IMPOSSIBLE to focus.

Now, some of this is understandable.

The site was just hacked. I’m rebuilding it with help (thanks, J!) and it’s coming back together well. I’m even thinking of switching to self hosting cause it looks entirely manageable.

I have six month old twins. In case you forgot. Cause I didn’t forget. Plus the toddler. All three are awesomeness, of course, but DAYUM, das a lot of minions.

But some of it is not as obvious because I haven’t really mentioned it before…


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Finally Some Good News

Something’s whack with the last version of the database on godaddy. All the site is wiped. I haven’t managed a shower yet. My teeth are wearing a sweater.

And I might feel some regret over posting that picture of me with hairy armpits online.


Music is BLASTING. Shoutout to Apple “For You” for posting a “Feeling Good” playlist to help me self soothe.

“Shake off your troubles with these uptempo pop classics.”

Don’t mind if I do, Apple.


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