THIS Is What Happens When You Brag

photo-1461938337379-4b537cd2db74Remember that post when I mentioned all the wonderful sleep I was getting in the sense that ONE NIGHT was NIGHTMARE FREE?

And wouldn’t it be keen if that trend continued?

A girl can dream, can’t she?

WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT

The Universe LOL’d.

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So, no shit, there I was, sleeping a lovely dreamless NIGHTMARE FREE sleep when I woke up, not because of some figment terror in my head, but because of a LITERAL terror in my head.

It felt like someone was punching me in slow motion.

And their fist was buried in my eye socket.

Up to the wrist.

I was so confused by the pain that I touched my eye, seriously thinking it was swollen shut. It was not. AND touching it ever-so-lightly made the pain WORSE.

Which woke me up the rest of the way.

But not before the sleepy brain gave me the brilliant idea that my eye ball was filling up with ACNE PUSS AND I AM GOING BLIND AND WILL DIE.

My approximate train of thought included, “Okay, so I call the 24 hour doctors and they’ll ask what other symptoms do I have. What other symptoms DO I HAVE. MY EYEBALL IS FILLING UP WITH ACNE PUSS AND I AM GOING BLIND. I AM DYING. I’M DEAD. MY OTHER SYMPTOM IS THAT I’M DEAD.”

I was thinking CLEARLY.

So I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Did I mention the fist buried in my eye socket up to its fist?

STILL THERE.

And all the trying in the world isn’t working. Probably because it involved lying with my eyes shut repeating the mantra gotosleepgotosleepgotosleep.

So I get up.

And go downstairs to take 1000mg acetaminophen, wait a bit, mull over what my symptoms really are – are they actually getting worse? Am I actually dying? What does it look like? What does the other eye look like? Seriously, am I not dying?

And THEN go back to bed.

The next morning I woke up fine.

FINE

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Therefore, kiddies, the lesson is this. Don’t brag about awesome sleep. The Universe WILL LOL and wake you up with massive fists punching your acne filled eye socket and you WILL DIE.

You have been warned.

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  • Lisa Pineau

    Lol, so been there (all points.)
    Praying strength of immune response continues making gains step-by-step, day-by-day. Because you. Strength.