[Dutch Lock Down Day One Hundred Forty Three]
I grew up in thirteen different States in the United States of America and because of this I developed a couple of quirks that helped me survive.
- I became a bit of a chameleon – able to pick up mannerisms and accents quickly and easily.
- I developed an unhealthy desire for affirmation. From everyone.
Because if you don’t like me right away, then my time here, however short, is going to be even lonelier than it already is.
But first the news:
- Dutch urged to keep their distance after ‘worrying’ rise in coronavirus cases
- Health boards slam risky behaviour, say under-40s are breaking Covid-19 rules
- No major new measures expected to be announced at COVID press conference
Instead of directly answering the question, she asked me another question, ‘why are you asking?’
me: Because I need affirmation. And I also wish I didn’t need affirmation.
her: Why do you need affirmation?
me: …I have no idea.
And it wasn’t until we talked about this that and the other and she let me ramble quite a bit that I realised that the affirmation request was coming from a place of wanting to be liked. Because I moved so much, I HAD TO make friends VERY quickly.
And when I moved away, I had to forget them just as quickly.
And make new friends.
And people don’t want to be your friend unless they like you. So there was a desperate need for people to like me. For people to give me their affirmation.
Once I realised where this came from, I knew that since I didn’t need the project to like me (or not!) that the project didn’t care – then I knew that the project design was just fine. And it doesn’t matter what other people think, if it’s okay or not, it’s still fine.
It feels like this massive weight has been lifted.
What breakthroughs have you experienced lately, Warriors? Tell me about the time you figured something out. Share your story. I’d love to hear from you.
Not because I need your affirmation, but because I’d like to affirm you, too.
Not because I need you, but because we’re already friends.
Good night, Chameleons.