Anyone Else Watching Alice in Borderland?

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Ninety Two]

Photo by pure julia on Unsplash

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

Holy hell, Netflix’s Alice in Borderland is super violent and gruesome, but also absolutely intriguing.

And there’s a gaming aspect to it, so OF COURSE I’m mesmerized.

But then there’s an almost rape scene?


But first the news:

Here’s the thing, which I’ll talk about more AFTER the cut, is that I’m only on episode seven of eight – I haven’t finished the whole season – but I’m so totally impressed that they managed to threaten rape without actual rape.

And isn’t that just an awful indication of how low the bar is that I’m IMPRESSED with it.

Continue reading “Anyone Else Watching Alice in Borderland?”

Welcome To Twenty Twenty One

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Eighty Eight]

Photo by Dan Cook on Unsplash

Sit down, put your seatbelt on, and don’t touch anything.

Let’s take this one day at a time, shall we?

Sure, it may seem like this year is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, but let’s think of it more like Happy Fun Ball, okay?

But first the news:

Yes, it’s Twenty Twenty One! The year that’s sweeping the world!

Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!

Continue reading “Welcome To Twenty Twenty One”

Time For Vodka Tonics w/a Twist of Lemon

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Nine]

TRIGGER WARNING This article or section, or pages it links to, contains information about sexual assault and/or violence which may be triggering to survivors.

Oke, so remember When Life Hands You Lemons?

It’s storytime.

But first the news:

Let’s start with the punchline, eh?

I forgot to pay a bill, it went to collections, then to small claims court.

The twist is that I was sick while all this was happening, so when I received the summons, I wasn’t surprised, just a bit disappointed.

The sucker punch is how triggering all the legal documents were.

I was involved in a criminal case AND a civil case in the States – the former dropped by a District Attorney, but not before a hearing judge ruled in my favour that there was enough evidence to go to trial, and the latter lasted five years.

The twenty-eight page summons, in Dutch, referencing €25,000, freaked me the fuck out.

I ran to a lawyer.

Who translated the whole thing. And gave me legal advice. And proposed next steps to resolve based on possible scenarios. For an hour. For free.

I could pay €203 by 13 December and the charges would be dropped.

No court.

Or I could go to court on 15 December to protest. And possibly pay an additional €124, depending on how the judge ruled.

I did research. Nope, totally no matching payment to Zalando (yup, this is over a pair of pants).


I paid double to the collections agency. In February.

I call the bailiff (the group taking me to court on behalf of Zalando). Can I speak English? No, I don’t have a reference number.

“It’s better if you email us.”

Fine. I email in English and Dutch. Here’s proof of payment. How do we move forward.

They reply within a few hours, “Client indicates that the payment was for another file.”

And I absolutely CRASH.

Crumble. To. The. Floor. HOWLING.

I haven’t cried like that in years. Not since the original trauma / trials / recovery.

P advises I just pay it.

But I’m crying because of the fucking injustice.

Is the Netherlands as corrupt and awful as the States?

I thought I lived in a safe, just, FAIR country?!?

I calm down a bit. I dry my tears. I work a bit. I walk a lot. I eat an entire box of chocolates.

And I reply, “Voor welk ander bestand was de betaling bedoeld? Ik heb geen enkele andere relatie of enige schuld aan Alektum, daarom kan de betaling alleen betrekking hebben op het enige dossier dat ze hebben voor ons huishouden.”

English: “What other file was the payment intended for? I have no other relationship of any debt to Alektum, therefore the payment can only relate to the only file they have for our household.”

No response.

By the end of the day, I’m no longer broken and bleeding, I’m PISSED with SWORD DRAWN.

And then I wrote that post.

That night I ruminated hard – was up for hours with a racing mind – just like when I was in the midst of the civil suit years ago – but this morning when the alarm went off, while I wasn’t exactly ripped out of bed, I growled, set my shoulders, and I’m ready to fight.

Over pants. Yeah.

But also, for a criminal case dropped because of “he said she said” bullshit in the state of Tenneessee. And for a civil case dropped because we ran out of money and wanted to move on with our lives.

For justice.

Continue reading “Time For Vodka Tonics w/a Twist of Lemon”

An Obscure Update Because That’s Where We Are

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Eight]

I’ve got a LOT going on right now.

And I thought I figured everything out on Friday, but then it occurred to me that I can look at my own bills and bank statements and such and … there really was only one missed payment.

And I have to go to court if I want justice.

But first the news:

A hill that I knew was important to me, but that I didn’t realize I’d rip apart the universe for, is injustice. This is the psychological equivalence of discovering I have big eyes, the better to see you with.

It makes sense, of course.

I have experience with injustice.

I just had no idea it was enough to make me rage against the machine.

And grow big teeth, the better to eat you with.

Continue reading “An Obscure Update Because That’s Where We Are”

I Do Not Recall Those Events, Senator

[Dutch Lock Down Day Two Hundred Forty Six]

Photo by Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

It seems that I may have figured out the source of all the confusion, but I won’t know until a few documents arrive and I promise PROMISE to get more specific as soon as this is all resolved.

In the meantime, no, I’m not getting much sleep lately, cause of the rumination, so the five a.m. kicking ass and taking names until further notice.

But first the news:

I just … look forward to … all this being resolved.

And I REALLY look forward to the appointment with my therapist on Tuesday.

Continue reading “I Do Not Recall Those Events, Senator”